My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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