I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
