There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
