We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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