We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The Olympian is in my bed
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