i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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