Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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