I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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