best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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