I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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