I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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