I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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