Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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