between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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