What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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