Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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