Cold hands, warm shart.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
