4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i've created a new STD.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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