Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He felt like a one man threesome
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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