white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
