It was confusing and full of hummus
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
