And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize