I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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