We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
where are my pants?
in the oven.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
