I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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