I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
