Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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