I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
