im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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