i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
