New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
