Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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