Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
