no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
