how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
