Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
