She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize