dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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