I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
