you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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