Your mouth is God's brothel.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize