I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
