listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
