We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
