It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
