Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
