considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
