is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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