he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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