I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
