did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize