here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
