sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
did you just send me my own nude
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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