you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
