I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize