Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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