She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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