I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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