I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
