Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
