sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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