Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
