You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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