Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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