idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize