I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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