So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
