Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
