Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
