You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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