im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
