You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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