i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
