Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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