Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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