Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
