So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize