I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
