seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
