If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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