I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Text me some of your sweat
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
