It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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