he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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