I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
