Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
