I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
