You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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