yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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