so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
