so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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