I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
