you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
