Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
smell my finger.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
