You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
