he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
