this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize