drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
