i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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