in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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