my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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