Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
