I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's even glitter on my cock...
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