I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
