Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At least make sure they are 18
Why
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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