FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
