I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
