Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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