he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Your penis caused this!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
